Reassociations Better Left in the Past
by Jaely
Summary: (Beverly Crusher/Kareel Odan also has Jadzia Dax in the story as well) Ambassador Odan would have asked for a different means of transportation had she known that she was to be heading to her next assignment by way of the USS Enterprise. But it seems that Life as an ironic sense of humor and now she is stuck on the ship for nearly a month. Thankfully Dax is heading the same way.


_**A/N:** Okay If you are reading this and are a fan of my other works then this is really off the beaten path for you all, but I hope you like it none the less, and thanks for giving it a shot! For everyone that are just Star Trek Fans, Thank you so much for giving my story a shot! I started out many many many years ago writing Star Trek and ST: Voyager Fan Fiction, though none of it is on the web anymore, so I'm not new to it, just coming home again! _

_This is my first Star Trek Trill piece I've ever written, and it stems from a conversations/debate about the Trill Reassociation Taboo that was introduced in Star Trek: DS9 and played around with it so that it will fit into why it didn't seem to be an issue for Ambassador Odan. I've also did my own little spin as to why there was an appearance change to the Trills from Ambassador Odan's time in Star Trek: TNG and Star Trek: DS9 because I really dislike the whole 'it's the same mutated genetic illness that affected the Klingons' that the writers/producers would give fans. _

_(If you need a refresher on what the Reassociation Taboo is about - Simply put A Trill that Joins with a Symbiote can not get involved on a personal level beyond passing acquaintanceship or friendship with someone that was part of any of their Symbiote's previous hosts lives, especially romantically. Though it seems a bit vague in a way but I think it was mostly meant in a romantic way. It's double trouble if both parties were involved are Joined and their Symbiotes were also joined with previous hosts that were together too. As per what happened with Jadzia Dax and Lenara Kahn in Star Trek: DS9 which brought up the whole issue int he first place. I just took it a step further, as to why it seemed that Jadzia and Lenara had such a fear of this Reassociation Taboo while Kareel Odan, newly joined to the Odan symbiote didn't seem to have this same fear of wanting to renew a relationship with Beverly while Odan was Joined with his original host and Will Riker.)_

_**FYI** \- This flips to Beverly's POV in the middle of the story then back to Kareel's again until the end. They are noted with Bar breaks in the page._

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own Star Trek, any of them, nor do I own any of the characters. I'm making no money off of this, it's only for mine and other's free entertainment! _

_I May or May Not continue past this chapter. I am not sure yet. As of now it's a one shot and I hope you all like it and let me know what you think._

_**Enjoy!~**_

* * *

**Reassociations Better Left In the Past**

**Chapter 1**

**by: _Jaely_**

I find life has a ironic sense of humor. I've lived – well my symbiote has lived – going on eleven life times now and it does seem to be a a running theme. Just when you seem to get your life moving in the direction you want it to go, you find that the cosmos just rips the 'rug' right from beneath your very feet leaving you in a very precarious position. It's something I find myself pondering as I stand here at the port window of a DS9 docking gate and watch the ship that is to take me to my next assignment dock while trying to restrain the near over powering desire to laugh. Ironic indeed...

"She's beautiful isn't she?" The quietly spoken words breaks into my thoughts and I can't help but let a soft bark of a laugh escape my lips. Which of course causes the Lieutenant Commander, who had spoken the words, to look at me a bit oddly, as I'm sure she didn't think the question would result in such a response. I cross my arms over my chest not really caring that I'm projecting an outward sign of my distress and finally, tear my eyes away from the ship that still haunts my dreams to look at the young woman standing next to me. A fellow Trill, though unlike myself, Jadzia Dax is quite a few years younger that I and had gone into Starfleet – one of the first to do so – after the Trill home world was accepted fully into the Federation. That in of its self had been a bit of a trial considering the former host and my current symbiote were the catalyst for those events coming about.

At the time the former host of my symbiote were joined, we hid not only our true natures from all those non Trills, but our true physical features as well. If we left our home system we underwent cosmetic changes so that we would look different from the true selves. Truthfully, I never did understand why our leaders feared all non Trills, and was grateful though resigned to find out that my symbiote was just as ignorant as to what our government's fears were. Thankfully, that is no longer required and I and all other Trills can now now freely be seen as we naturally are which is a relief.

"Is everything alright Ambassador?" Jadzia asks me as I just stand there looking at her, I'm more than sure that my eyes show that I'm not entirely present at that moment, but her question does the trick of pulling me back to the here and now.

I nod and sigh as I look back out as the USS Enterprise gracefully slides into the docking pylons. "I'm fine Lt. Commander." I wince internally as my voice comes out a bit more horsed than I would have liked.

I look back at Jadzia as she places her hand lightly on my shoulder and looks at me worriedly, "Kareel?" Jadzia and I had become friends over the last year and a half that I have been transitioning through this station to go to the various locations for my work. I found though younger than me by a few years, Jadzia is highly intelligent and fun to be around. I've come to treasure her company in that time, but this was just not something I wished to speak to her or anyone about.

I just shake my head as I reach up and pat her hand, that is still resting on my shoulder, as I look back at the USS Enterprise finalize it's docking. "Sometimes the past has a way of reopening some things that is best left closed."

The docking seals releasing and sliding open stem whatever Jadzia was going to say, which I'm grateful for, but I know I will not be able to avoid her forever. For a while anyway she will be on this trip too. It seems that Jadzia is on her way to some Science symposium in the same system as my next assignment, so it was arranged for her to travel on the same ship. I just wished I'd known it was going to be the Enterprise, I would have found different transportation options.

A bevy of voices caught my attention and I turned to see other Starfleet crew coming down the corridor heading for the docking port. The Enterprise was also going to be exchanging some crew it seems too. I grab my bag and step over to the docking bay door and step through, a soft prayer that I would be able to avoid attention for the next three weeks going out to any and all deities that I could think of in that moment.

"Ambassador Odan, welcome back aboard the Enterprise." Well so much for remaining anonymous for the next few weeks. I found myself pleased to see only Commander Riker standing to the side of the inner Docking Bay doors to greet me. I stepped to the side so Jadzia could follow me through the door. "And Lt. Commander Dax, It's good to have you aboard as well."

I reach out and shake his out held hand "Thank you Commander, for the welcome. It is very good to see you again." Though it was true, it is good to see the Commander again, it was still hard to be back on the Enterprise.

I glance around the area as the two Commanders share a greeting. There was very little that I could see as different from the last time I was here. My musing were cut short as I heard my name being called once again, and turned my full attention back to the Commander.

"Captain Picard wishes to send his regrets that he was not able to personally be here to greet you, Ambassador, but unexpected ship's business called for his attention just as we were docking." I nod knowing that was most likely the reason, though I was hopping that the Captain wouldn't find it necessary. There really was no need to greet me like this, but I also know that it is protocol. "The Captain also wishes to extend an invitation to dine with him and the senior staff this evening at nineteen hundred," before I had the chance to say that it wasn't necessary, Commander Riker continued, turning his attention to Jadzia, "Lt. Commander Dax, the invitation was also extended to you as well if you would care to join us."

I nearly want to cry as I hear the invitation to Jadzia and her acceptance, there was really no way to get out of the dinner now, so I just plaster a smile on my lips and nod politely "Thank you Commander, please let Captain Picard know I look forward to this evening then." I was well versed in the use of a public facade, and I was milking it for all it was worth now.

Commander Riker snags a passing ensign to escort Jadzia to her quarters even after she told him it wasn't necessary, knowing my friend as I do she more than likely studied the whole ship's layout before the trip 'just for fun.'; while the Commander escorts me personally to my quarters. Thankfully, conversation flows easily between us during the walk, he even got up the nerve to comment on my changed appearance. I told him it was just nice to have my 'spots' back. I admitted that it was very unnerving to not have them during the time I was away from Trill until the time the laws had changed.

"Here we are Ambassador, your quarters." We stop in front of the doors to my quarters and I watch as he punches in the access code and I step in as the doors open.

I turn back to the Commander and reach out and lightly clasped his arm getting his attention. "Thank you Commander Riker." I saw the dismissal in his eyes, and spoke over whatever he was going to say, knowing that he misunderstood what I was thanking him for. "For the last time I was on board. I never got the chance to thank you in person for being a host to Odan until I could arrive, and it helped Trill to come out of hiding so we could be who we truly are."

I watch as he opened his mouth in a bit of shock, it was not something he was expecting, I'm sure, and it is confirmed by the pause, but to his credit he recovers quickly and smiles softly his hand coming up to settle over my own as it rests on his forearm still. "You are very welcome Ambassador I'm very glad I was able to help." I smile at him and nod fully believing him, then I step back a bit so that I was not so much in his personal space as I just was. He nods to me as he steps away from the door saying "I will see you this evening Ambassador."

I managed to keep the smile on my face until he walked away and the door closed silently in front of me. If the door wouldn't have just opened back up I would have banged my forehead on it in frustration. Groaning lightly I turn from the door and toss my bag to the couch and seemingly myself as well, since I find myself now sprawled on the damn thing with my arm covering my eyes. "I could always feign some minor illness" I mumble out loud to the empty room, then run my hand violently through my hair

"Oh yes Kareel, that's just brilliant! What better way to avoid a be damned physician than to announce that you are sick... I'm such and idiot.." I groan again and press the heels of both my hands to my closed eyes in the vain hope that I would suddenly garner some kind of, divine or otherwise, inspiration to avoid tonight dinner invitation.

The chime of the door distracts me from my inane mumblings which – I have to confess – I freeze in terror as to the possibility as to who might be on the other side of that damn door. "Kareel? It's me, Jadzia." I release the breath I was holding at the sound of my friend's voice and I croak out for her to come in. As the door slides open I start to sit up. "Don't bother getting up." Jadzia says as she breezes in.

With a grunt of appreciation, I more or less flop back down on the couch and cover my eyes with my arm again. There was no way I was going to have this conversation with Jadzia while looking at her. "Here we go." I mumble as Jadzia plops down on the chair next to the couch I am sprawled over.

I knew by the way Jadzia was looking at me when she came in that she was going to push me into telling her what was going on. That's the problem with having close friends, they want to help you and that requires them to find out what is bothering you to do it. Yes I am whining and pouting in my own head. Ugh, I am so pathetic.

"You going to tell me why you don't want to go to the dinner with Captain Picard?" Jadzia starts and I just sigh softly. Why she has to know me so well, I will never know.

"What makes you think I don't want to have dinner with the Captain?" I try to stall. Though it is a valid question. I have no problem what so ever having dinner with the Captain.

"Please Kareel, I am more than aware of your polite Ambassador's smile versus your real genuine one." Jadzia says in a bored yet annoyed tone. I can tell she isn't all that happy with me that I'm using my stalling techniques on her.

"If it was just with the Captain I wouldn't mind, Jadzia." I sigh out mournfully figuring that I would at least give her that much. I don't often indulge in self pity, but right now it seems to be some how fitting.

I uncover my eyes long enough to find Jadzia looking at me with a bit of confusion. "I thought Odan had a good relationship with the Senior staff of the Enterprise, when you took over as host?" My only reply is to shrug my shoulders. I really didn't want to get into it. "Does this have to do with Reassociation, Kareel?" I hear my friend ask quietly after a moment's pause. Her eyes watching me with compassion and understanding. I really should have just kept my eyes covered.

I sigh softly thinking of how close yet so off track she was to the whole situation. I doubt that Jadzia would have had come to this conclusion so quickly if not for the fact that she had just recently had to deal with a similar problem. "I don't want to talk about it Dax... Please just drop it." I finally say as the silence stretches on for a full minute. The matter of Reassociation is not handled the same way for me as it is for nearly every other joined trill. Leaving me in a rather precarious position when the matter comes up.

Odan gets a lot of leeway when it comes to Reassociation, because of it's ability as an Ambassador. The Odan symbiote has spent over a millennium as an Ambassador. Odan is one of the few exceptions when dealing with the taboo of Reassociation. Odan is a great deal older then the current laws let alone the Symbiosis Commission that put the taboo into effect in the first place only a few hundred years ago. Due to the knowledge and abilities of my symbiote, they more or less ignore what Odan and it's host do. This live and let live policy with Odan and it's hosts only lasts as long as the current host – me in this case – doesn't try to contradict the stupid rhetoric they are touting as fact. Though, thankfully this topic has rarely come up with others in the few hundred years that the taboo has been in affect, it is often very difficult to speak honestly with a friend as to not lie outright but also maintain the demands of the Commission as well.

"Alright, Kareel. I won't push. Just... Just know that I do understand and if you need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to let me know, alright?" Jadzia says softly. I can tell my desire not to speak about it hurts her, but I didn't know how to talk to her about it without more or less debunking the whole concept of Reassociation and with Jadzia, it would have a harder impact than just someone that had no stake in the taboo.

Had I been there when everything with Jadzia and Lenara happened, I don't know if I could have kept quiet. Just seeing the effect it had on my friend when she spoke to me about the day that Lenara walked out of her life nearly tore my heart out. I was tempted to tell her that it was all made up. That nearly any Trill can become a host for a symbiote. That the government only wanted a way to have further control over who gets one and who doesn't. This whole made up crap about Reassociation was so our government could have a diverse living record of as many different times, professions, and experiences as they could, and the only way to do that was to insure that each host doesn't become involved with the life of the last one.

That I would be so willing to break Odan's agreement to keep the real reason for the Reassociation taboo is scary, because I know how much I need to be within good standing to get a good match for Odan down the road. If I want to be able to allow Odan to continue learning and growing as a diplomate, which is what it wants to do, then I have to draw from the Trill Diplomatic Corps, just like I was drawn. I can't help but damn our government for coming up with some of the most asinine concepts to keep control over things that really don't matter in the long run.

When I hear Jadzia move to get up I sit up quickly and put my hand on my friend's arm to stop her. "Thank you Jadzia, it's just something I _can't_ talk about right now, alright? It's not that I don't trust you, my friend. It's just... that, I _can't..._ talk about it." I try to get her to understand that I would talk with her about all of this if I could, it's just that I couldn't. No matter how much I want to, because I really could use some advice as to how to deal with this upcoming evening without losing my mind.

Jadzia smiles at me sadly and nods in understanding as she pats my hand lightly. "I get it, Kareel. The offer still stands if you need it, though. I can keep things to myself so you don't get into trouble if that is the issue." I nod and smile back at her offer. I will seriously give it some thought, because Jadzia is right, she is very good at keeping secrets if the need arises. I just worry about the emotional repercussions dealing with her own Reassociation with Lenara.

She stands after that with her 'all business' smile on her face and I lean my rear back against the arm of the couch smiling back at my friend. I don't really pay much attention as Jadzia starts to walk out so I didn't realize when she stopped and turned back towards me until she spoke. "I need to go do my medical check-in, want to come with me to get yours out of the way too?" she asks cheerfully completely oblivious as to the effect her words have on me.

Needless to say I'm a little caught off guard by the question. Luckily I manage to hide it well enough to not trip the woman's suspicions. "No, I want to get a little rest before tonight's dinner. I will get it done before the deadline. Thanks anyway." I say calmly smiling up at her as she finishes her short trek over to the door. She just nods and waves over her shoulder as she walks out the door saying that she would see me later for dinner.

Once the door closes behind Jadzia, I find myself in a bit of a depression. At times I curse Odan's age, because of Odan's experiences with Dr. Beverly Crusher, I know that her and I would get along just as well as she did with Odan's previous host, maybe even better. As a symbiote ages they start to gain the ability to understand how their host will relate to people from the previous hosts' pasts. Again debunking the whole 'It's damaging for joined trills to reassociate with people from a previous host's life' thing.

A symbiote has evolved to give this kind of advantage to each consecutive host and the longer the symbiote has lived the more accurate and faster such assessments are processed. This is why things like love and relationships are hard to not to fall back into for a new host of a symbiote as old as Odan. Even Dax is old enough to put the burden on Jadzia, even though I'm sure it doesn't want to. It's just a naturally occurring thing. Like who one is attracted to or what color someone's eyes is. It can't be controlled or changed.

"Computer, What is Doctor Crusher's current location?" I find myself asking with a sigh, even though I know I'm just being stupid. I already know where she is at this time of the day, but I guess I just want some kind of confirmation that she is indeed in sickbay. Even though it is only just after fifteen hundred by ship's time I think I needed to know that she wasn't heading my way and I didn't know about it. Maybe now I can just relax and get some work done.

"Doctor Crusher is currently in Sickbay." I roll my eyes at the expected response. Getting up off the couch I decide to unpack as I will be here for nearly a full month there is no reason to live out of my suit case. That takes up a bit of my time and then I set to work on reviewing the issues of the parties I will be working with at my next assignment.

I don't really notice the time until a few hours later and I see that dinner is in less than an hour and a half. "Shit." I curse softly setting down the PADD containing my notes on my desk. No point in trying to head to sickbay to get my check up now, even if Beverly more than likely wasn't there now. I just don't have time.

I quickly get up and take a shower taking longer than I really should have. By the time I finish putting on my dress and settling the silk drape around my body and over my shoulder I know I'm running a little late. I decide to leave my hair down rather than put in up in an up do for tonight I quickly slip my feet into the heeled boots and head out the door.

Luckily I am able to make good time and end up walking through the door to the formal dinning room at exactly nineteen hundred. I'm relieved to see that there is to be a cocktail hour before dinner is actually served. "Ambassador Odan. A real pleasure to have you on board again. I hope your accommodations are to your liking." The Captain greets me kindly.

I take his out stretched hand in greeting as I respond sincerely. "It is truly a pleasure to be a guest on your magnificent ship again Captain Picard, and yes my accommodations are beautiful as always." I keep my eyes on Captain Picard the whole time not wanting to have the chance to happen upon the one and only Doctor Crusher. Even though I was sincere in my response to the Captain about being back on the Enterprise, because it is a gorgeous ship, I would have rather not have had to be at this dinner.

"Please Ambassador, have a cocktail and take the opportunity to get reacquainted with the everyone." the Captain tells me as he moves out of my direct eye line. I can't help the little skip that my heart does at having to actually mingle with the Senior Staff, risking having to directly speak with the Doctor.

"Thank you, Captain." I say with a smile on my lips and move off towards the bar, hoping a drink will calm me down.

"You know, it's a good damn thing that these people don't know you as well as I do. Otherwise your near panic attack would be standing out like a Romulan Warbird." Jadzia says very softly next to my ear as she sidles up to my side. Which actually gets me to laugh softly. I smile softly up at her, as she is a bit taller than me even with my heels on, and lightly nudge her with my shoulder in a silent thanks. I know that was her intent, and I am very thankful that she is here and that she is my friend.

* * *

"You do know, you could always just go over there and speak to her." I look over and down to find Deanna Troi looking over towards the bar as she stirs the drink in her hand. I look back over at the bar, where Kareel Odan is standing speaking with Will, Geordi, and Lt. Commander Dax. Though I know who Deanna is talking about I don't want to say as much openly.

"Who?" I ask with obviously feigned innocence. I wince a bit as I hear Deanna's light snort of disbelief, knowing right away that was what I got for trying to lie, no matter how indirectly, to an empath. Deanna is so close to me right now there is no way for her to not know what I'm feeling. Normally, I don't mind because she never really lets it influence our interactions not to mention she can't help it. Though right now I'm not sure I want her to know the jumble of emotions tumbling through my mind at the moment. Hell I don't even know what most of them mean.

I'm glad that Deanna doesn't feel the need to push the issue, though I'm more than sure she wants to. I stiffen as I watch Commander Dax step up close behind Odan and put her hand on the shorter woman's hip, while she says something close to the Ambassador's ear. The laugh that comes from the Ambassador at whatever Dax is saying to her sends a shiver down my spine. The Ambassador looks a different from when I last saw her, of course, but she is no less beautiful.

Unlike Commander Dax, Ambassador Odan's skin tone is only a shade or two lighter than her 'spots' and I can't stop myself from wondering what kind of pattern they make over her body. I've studied Trill biology, after their true physical and biological information was released by the Trill government, so I know that the 'spots' range all over a Trill's body, but each pattern and path over the body is unique to each individual once it passes the neck.

"Well I'm going to go over and welcome her to back to the Enterprise." Deanna says suddenly making me focus back onto her. I have to hold myself back from asking her to stay with me, which I know would have been a completely desperate move on my part. Instead I find myself following behind Deanna when she moves to go greet our guests. I figure it will be safer to say my greeting while in a group than wait until everyone else has had the chance, leaving me to do it alone.

Ugh I'm not normally this pathetic, but I can't help feeling completely unhinged by this woman. Even as I watch her I can't help but see many of the same mannerisms Odan had when he was alive. The same cock of the head when he was listening to someone speak or the precise way he moves his hands, careful to convey the right message. Ugh this was getting confusing. Before I really wanted, or was ready for, we were standing in front of her.

"Ambassador Odan, it's a pleasure to have you back on the Enterprise." Deanna leads off. I'm so grateful I could kiss her right now. I watch the way Odan's eyes flick my way for just a moment, but then settles back on Deanna and takes the Commander's offered hand.

"Commander Troi, it's a joy to see you again. I'm hoping you wouldn't mind working with me a bit on my preparation for my up coming assignment. Your assessments and insights would be invaluable to me." I listen to her greet Troi and I have to look away for a moment because of how similar Kareel and Odan's speech patterns are even after all this time, it all comes back to me like it was yesterday. Also at the thought of Odan in reference to Kareel, it suddenly comes to my attention that I never knew Odan's other host's given name. He only ever went by Odan. I kind of tune out Deanna's response to just watch Kareel more closely, now. It surprises me to find that Kareel does have her own mannerisms under and woven around that of Odan's.

Kareel, holds herself differently than Odan did. Better posture as well the fact that Kareel plays with her hair from time to time. Well not really 'plays' with, more pushes it back over her shoulder or behind her ear to get it out of her face. Of course her overt movement and sense of grace is much more refined and feminine, but still has a similarity to what I remember of Odan's. It's really intriguing to start to pick out the differences from Odan to Kareel. An elbow being shoved into my ribs and the sudden quiet around me lets me know that I more than likely missed something during my observations. I look to Deanna, who clears her throat with a nod towards the Ambassador and I find myself blushing softly as I realize now that everyone was waiting for me to greet the Trill.

"I'm sorry my mind was elsewhere." I clear my throat and look directly at Odan. I can see in her eyes that she is trying to hide her wariness of interacting with me. I can't say how I know this but I do. It's right there behind the slight furrow of her brow and the way that her head is raised. It's held in a manner so that her chin is slightly jutting out as though she is holding her head high. In a subtle show of defiance maybe? I'm not sure, due to how subtle her facial expressions are as she looks at me.

"It's nice to see you again Ambassador. I hope your stay on the Enterprise is a productive one." There that wasn't so bad. I was polite and sincere and I didn't stutter or stumble over myself as I spoke. I'm rather proud of myself.

That is until she takes my outstretched hand to shake it. Then I found myself unable to even think of anything other than how warm and soft it was. The unwanted thought of how her soft but obviously strong hands would feel touching me as Odan knew how to touch me, nearly had me dropping her hand like it was made of fire. I was able to refrain from such a faux pas by shear will alone. Though I am thrilled that I got through that without making a scene or letting on how completely nervous I am. I am also upset at how out of everyone else I watched with the Trill Ambassador shake hands with, I was the only person she let go of before she had issued her own greeting. I have to admit that I feel a bit empty as she lets go of my hand nearly as soon as they had fully clasped.

"Thank you, Doctor Crusher. It is nice to see you again as well. I too hope my time on the Enterprise will be a productive one." I have to fight the frown that wants to settle on my face at not only the very general and polite greeting, but also for the fact that she doesn't call me Dr. Beverly as she did the last time I saw her.

Before anything else can be said though, dinner is announced and Lt. Commander Dax is quick to politely excuses not only herself, but also Odan as well, leading the Ambassador away with a light press to the other Trill's back.

I have to literally force my eyes away from the two Trill women as they walk away towards the table to find their seats. I know my eyes are staring daggers into Dax's back, but I can't seem to help myself as I watch the younger Trill lightly rub her hand over Odan's back slowly.

It's obvious that both women are very comfortable with each other and might even be a couple for all I know. I feel odd about the feelings I'm having right now. I know that I've technically never had a relationship with Kareel, but I know she knows everything that Odan did and that _'she'_ has been in a relationship with me in a round about way because of it. I find myself feeling like I should have this claim on her that I don't really have.

Watching the two Trill women together I'm suddenly aware of the fact that Kareel is the more feminine of the two. Not to say that Dax isn't feminine just that she seems to naturally drift towards the more traditionally masculine role. Like guiding Odan to the table and pulling the chair out for her as Jean Luc is currently doing for me. I have to come out of my thoughts to thank Jean Luc and smile at him as I settle in my seat. Odan is seated a few seats down and across the table from my current location and is currently in a conversation with Data. That is another thing that seems to be different from Odan. Kareel is more... outgoing than Odan was. Even though Odan was very outgoing with me he didn't really talk much with the other members of the Senior Staff.

Odan's gentle laugh forces me to tune into what Data, Geordi, Dax, and Odan are saying. "Yes, I have had to learn a great deal more over the last year or so with being around Jadzia so often. Otherwise I would be completely lost when she is babbling on and on about some Wormhole or other such theory. I have to confess though I do find it all very fascinating, and if my passion didn't lie in diplomacy I would have gone into the sciences like Jadzia." Odan says lightly teasing in her tone when she talks about how her 'relationship' with Dax forced her to learn more about the sciences than she did know before hand. Though she was speaking to the two men she would wink or touch Dax as she spoke keeping her fellow Trill involved.

"I do not babble. I speak in a highly informative and concise manner, when I talk about my field of study, I will have you know, Kareel. So don't go making me sound like some rambling cadet." Dax responds with a glare in Odan's direction, which I can tell Odan doesn't find the slightest bit intimidating. If I'm reading her expression right Odan finds Dax's declaration highly amusing. Though she doesn't seem to have any desire to comment on her fellow Trill's comment, she does lightly pat Dax's hand that is resting on the table next to hers. The flash of jealousy is gnawing and makes my stomach tighten for a moment. I've never been fond of feeling jealous for any reason but I find that hearing that Odan had spent time learning about Dax's profession just so she could be an active participant in their conversations as well as the easy flow of their obvious affections for each other. Worst of all it was something that I never had with Odan when I was with him, and it makes my jealousy all the more painful and hard to deal with.

"So your career as an Ambassador was not dictated by your joined status with the Odan symbiont?" I hear Data ask, and I find myself once completely invested in listening to what Odan has to say in response to it. Thankful for something to think about other than my internal thoughts.

I watch as Dax sits back from the table glancing over at Odan. Who seems to move in the opposite direction to her companion, as she puts down her fork and leans forward a bit so that her forearms are resting on the corner of the table. I push their continued tandem interaction out of my mind so that I can _focus_ on listening to Odan's explanations, as I would like to know that same thing. "The simple answer to your question, Commander, is no. I personally was in the diplomatic corps as an Ambassador and negotiator and diplomat for years before I became joined with the Odan symbiont." I shift in my seat curious to hear more.

I can tell there is more that she has to say on the topic as she once more pauses and – to my annoyance – looks at again at Dax before she turns her attention back to Data and continues. "A host often do take on certain traits, habits, characteristics, and even some personality quarks that might not have been there or were not very predominate before being joined; but being joined to a symbiont doesn't change or over take _who_ the host was before the joining."

"But, Commander Riker-" Geordi starts to comment when Odan finished her statement only to be cut off by Will.

"I wasn't prepared to be a host and I'm human not a Trill." Will says then smiles at Odan before continuing. "I don't even remember much of the time I was Odan's host now, it's all a jumble of half remembered blurry memories and feelings that is I can't even sort out most of it." I find myself blushing a little and look down at my plate as I remember very well about some of the time Will was host to Odan. I do know that Will remembers, in part, our time together, but most of what he spoke about was the love that Odan seemed to feel for me.

"That is correct. If the host has not been properly prepared on how to process all that information – both the memories and the emotions – that come with the joining, then they will have a very hard time or might be completely unable to separate who they are from the many life times of the symbiont that they are host to. On top of that Odan is a particularly old symbiote. So If that were to happen the Symbiont itself would automatically take control, until such time as the host was able to fully reassert itself. Which is partly what happened with Commander Riker. Though with him it was mainly due to the Commander's willingness to _allow_ Odan to take over, because _it_ had the necessary skills to complete the mission at hand. I believe from what I was able to garner from Odan's time joined to Commander Riker, that his will and personality would have been more than strong enough to assert himself given the right amount of time and knowledge to do so." Odan continuation from Will's statement got my mind off of how much Will remembered from his time as Odan's host and more on wanting to know about how being joined worked. It was starting to sound like Odan wasn't really _just_ Odan, as I thought.

Data's next question got my attention again, but though it was about being joined it wasn't about the woman I was most interested in, though I listened anyway, to see if I could learn as to what kind of woman had captured Odan's, or is it Kareel's, interest. "You are also joined as well are you not, Lt. Commander Dax?" Data asks Dax. At the younger Trill's nod and quick "Yes I am." Data continues. "Was your symbiote's previous host involved in Science as Ambassador Odan's was involved with diplomacy?"

* * *

I couldn't hold back my gentle laugh at that question, even though it was an honest misunderstanding of how things worked, with the limited information that we had just discussed thus far with Data. I really found the Android a pleasure to speak with and speaking with him about how our joining process worked really made the dinner less nerve wracking, though I'm sure the Symbiosis Commission would be less than pleased with me for talking about so much of the process. Frankly I find their continued desire to keep the whole of the universe ignorant to the process backwards and limited. The Federation has access to a vast network of technology and scientists that could help us move forward with not only our personal health but also with insuring that our symbiote's get the help the need in time should their host die while away from Trill, until a new Host can be located and sent. The more they know about it the better in my opinion anyway.

I look at Jadzia as she laughs along with me shaking her head denying Data's question, more than likely thinking about how Curzon would more than likely be offended by the very thought of being mistaking for a scientist. I just lean my elbow on the table and cover my mouth with the tips of my fingers as I look at Jadzia with a bit grin on my lips. Then I shake my head and remove my fingers from my lips as I look back at Data saying, "Hardly." as I still laughed slightly. Then I picked up my glass of wine and took a sip while smiling. I have to admit I'm glad I came to the dinner now, as I'm having a good time. Well as long as I keep my mind off of Beverly anyway.

I enjoy my friend's laugher it's been a rough few months for her and I'm gland to se her in good humor so I look at her with gentle affection as Jadzia laughingly stated, "No, as Kareel can attest to, Curzon had very little use for Scientists." I couldn't help but scoff softly and I just roll my eyes at that as I nod because that was the truth.

I hum in a mock annoyed way as I add, "That is very true. Curzon Dax would always dump assignments involving _anything_ to do with Scientists in my lap if he could." Which got the expected snicker from Jadzia to which I responded by just lightly smacking the brat on her shoulder. Before I continued on more seriously. "But my work with Curzon is one of the reasons Odan had vetted me as a possible host should it become necessary." I gently squeeze Jadzia's hand when she places her's into mine that is sitting on the table.

"So your friendship with each other has carried over from your previous host's friendship with Odan?" Geordi asks Jadzia, though I shake my head in preparation for the complex answer that is to come. I can already see the confusion on the men's faces though it is a little hard to really tell with his visor covering his eyes.

I look over at Jadzia for a moment not sure how to go about clearing up this bit of confusion. At Jadzia's look of unspoken 'you start' I look back at Geordi and figure I would clear up the second part of the man's assumptions. "Lorkale, Odan's host before me, had very little to do directly with Curzon. Though he respected the man's results he was not always in agreement with his more than... cavalier methods. On that same note, though, it was Curzon's recommendation to the Symbiosis Commission that I would be a good match as a potential emergency host that brought Lorkale's attention to me in the first place."

I can see out of the corner of my eye Beverly's tense reaction to the first name of her former lover. I know that Lorkale never told her his name, but I needed to make it more clear that Odan was just one part of Lorkale and did not consist of our complete personality make up. Just as Dax didn't make up the whole of who Jadzia is now. "And Kareel and Curzon were at each other's throats more often than not, even though Curzon mentored her when she joined the Diplomatic Corps. They respected each other, but they were not really friends. Kareel and _I_ became friends when she started to pass through DS9 as her main layover hub when she was in transit to new assignments." Jadzia takes over for me, which I am grateful for. "Though I do confess I _do_ get a _bit_ of perverse pleasure in pushing Kareel's buttons from time to time, which is more than likely a layover from Curzon."

I mock glare at Jadzia as she snickers along with nearly everyone else. I think the others are finally understanding that there really is a difference between what they thought they knew about joined Trills and what it is really like. Actually Curzon was a bit of a rebel when it came to talking about being a joined Trill to non Trill. His relationship with Commander Sisko was something that was greatly frowned upon but since the Commander never spoke about it to other's everyone left it alone. "Intriguing, you are saying that emotions can be transferred to a host that belonged to the previous host?"

Data's questions takes me off guard and I can't help but let my eyes flicker over to where Beverly is sitting rather stiffly in her chair now. Even after I bring my eyes back to Commander Data I can see that she is watching me and Jadzia more than likely noting our sudden discomfort. I knew about what Jadzia had gone through, just over five months ago, with Lenara Kahn and I could tell that the question brought up the pain, she normally kept buried, over Lenara's rejection all over again. I clear my throat softly and shift in my chair deciding to take on the question even though Beverly was just a few chairs down from me. I really didn't want Jadzia to have to explain about something that was still giving her so much pain. At least my pain has had years to dull a little.

"Yes, emotions whether positive or negative transfers from symbiote to host. Everything that a symbiote experiences through every host, whether love, hate, joy, and so on, is past to the next host. It goes back further than the emotions of just the previous host, we have to deal with every host's emotions as filtered through our symbiote. As a symbiote ages it gets more adept at naturally evaluating those emotions allowing their next host to act accordingly if the next host comes into contact with someone from a previous host life time." I pause here trying to formulate this in a way that would be relatable but not too intimate to others.

"The thing to remember is that the feelings of the symbiote is only an enhancement to the host's feelings, it doesn't take over for them. Each host has the ability to form completely independent attachments that go against the feelings of the previous host. An example would be Jadzia and I. Personally Dax's former host, Curzon, respected me as a really good Diplomat, but felt I was too conservative and did not like to be around me for long periods of time if he could help it. Granted I did not know Jadzia personally – I did know of her because she was the first of us to go into Starfleet – but I had no personal interaction with her before she was joined with Dax."

"When we met up for the first time, she knew who I was at first sight and introduced herself. We got to talking and she and I hit it off really well, though some of the things she will say or do remind me of things that annoyed me about Curzon, but I can tolerate them because she is Jadzia not Curzon and the same goes for her. She has all the memories from Curzon but she was still able to form a relationship with me because Jadzia is her own person with her own feelings. But as she said she does have a habit of pushing my buttons just to get a rise out of me like Curzon did quite often." I finish hoping that I had made it make sense so that they would understand. I also managed to put a bit in there that might help Jadzia with her feeling concerning Lenara as well.

I tried to keep my shifting in my seat down to a minimum as I keep my eyes trained on Commander Data throughout the entire explanation, because I could feel Beverly watching me the entire time. I can feel that my friend is trying to remain indifferent to what I have said but I also know that she is thinking about our symbiotes naturally feeding us feelings from our past hosts, so I gently placed my hand on Jadzia's nearly clenched hand, part way through my explanation, to give her a little support for what must be going through her mind. I know the love and desire, that has pasted from Lorkale, to me for Beverly, is going through mine.

"Thank you Ambassador for answering my questions." I just nod and give the android a smile. I can see that everyone has finished with their meal and I'm now more than ready to head back to my quarters. I know Data didn't intend to hit on a very sensitive subject and really had Beverly not been here or had Jadzia not recently had to deal with the real repercussions of that very topic then neither of us would have been so uncomfortable with the topic. Unfortunately, now the enjoyment of the evening has turned a bit morose and I just want to lie down and try and forget that I'm going to be stuck on this ship for the next three plus weeks.

Keeping my hand on Jadzia's, that is still in her lap, I turn to the thus far silent Captain Picard. It's a trying task as Beverly is sitting right next to the man; so it takes most of my effort to keep my eyes from drifting over to look at the stunning red head. "Captain, I can't thank you enough for such a wonderful meal. Please extend my appreciation to the chef, but I'm afraid that I must retire for the evening." I say to the Captain with genuine appreciation.

"Of course Ambassador. Thank you for giving us the honor of your company for the evening and I hope the extent of your stay on the Enterprise is a pleasant one." I stand along with the Captain and nearly everyone else as he speaks. It doesn't take long for Jadzia and I make our way through the various farewells and Jadzia is leading me out the door and into the hall.

Once we are in the corridor she drops her hand from my back and walks beside me quietly. I can tell she is deep in thought. I reach over and loop my arm around hers to which she crooks her arm and places her other hand on top of mine. "Are you alright Jadzia?" I ask softly only glancing at her from time to time. I see her frown and shrug, her head slightly down turned as I'm sure she is trying to decide what to say. Both of us are extremely private and stubborn women so talking about something that makes us upset does not come naturally to either of us.

"Yeah, just sad." She looks at me for a moment keeping her voice down as we continue our walk. "I wasn't expecting the question, though I guess I should have with how the conversation was going." I squeeze her arm lightly in understanding.

"You know I don't agree with the Symbiosis Commission with their stance on Reassociation, not to mention other things. So you can talk to me any time Jadzia, I will listen and not judge you." I say softly hoping to give Jadzia a bit more support, the Commission be damned. Her soft exhalation of air lets me know I hit on the exact issue at hand.

She nods and squeezes my hand again saying "I know, and when I'm ready I will. The same goes for you too, Kareel. I saw what was going on in there, and if you need to talk I will be there for you, okay?" I smile over at her with acceptance and appreciation. Our situations are not the same, but I do appreciate the offer. "Maybe we both need to just lose ourselves in our work or a bit of relaxation, just get our minds off the problem for a while." She continues on after a moment in her normal jovial tone, letting me know she doesn't want to talk about Reassociation now. Which is good because we are coming up on my quarters.

"Alright Jadzia you have a good evening and thank you for the company back to my quarters." I say as I step up to the door so it will slide open. Jadzia takes my hand and gives it a small squeeze and before stepping back from the door sensor saying her own good night as well as reminding me to relax and not over work. I laugh and wave at her as she walks away and I walk further into my quarters, letting the door slide shut. I stop at the couch and reach down to ease off my boots with a sigh of contentment.

Just as I drop the second one down to the floor the door chimes and I grin thinking Jadzia had forgotten to tell me something before heading to her quarters, which is nothing unusual for the woman. "Come in." I say wiggling my socked toes in the carpet of my cabin and smirk deciding to be playfully flirty just for the hell of it. "What did you realize you missed your good night kiss, Jad-" I say as I turn around when I hear the door slide open and shut again. Though Jadzia's name dies in my throat once I see who is standing just inside my quarters and I can't help but swallow thickly. Really when did I let me guard down so much that I could have completely forgotten that Beverly might come over to speak to me tonight?

She is still in her dress uniform she was wearing at dinner and her boots seem to give her an even larger height difference on me than she normally would. I can't help but note that both Jadzia and Beverly are beautifully tall women. I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm thinking about that right now of all things but it's the first thing that pops into my head.

Jadzia might be a tad shorter than Beverly though not by much. Me on the other hand, there is a pretty noticeable difference between me and the height of both women. In my stockinged feet it seems Beverly has nearly twelve or so centimeters on me. It takes my brain a moment to fire in the right direction to actually speak, luckily, it seems the good doctor doesn't really notice that I didn't say anything right away.

"Doctor Crusher, how can I help you?" I say politely and I'm happy to note that I sound perfectly in control of my emotions and voice, at least outwardly. Years and years of practice controlling ones speaking voice can do a person a lot of good. As I watch her I can't help but notice a slight drop in her shoulders and her eyes drop down to the floor just as I start to speak.

Her eyes return to mine and I can see the brief flicker of uncertainty in them, before I can think more on it she is speaking, "You didn't report for your medical check-in, Ambassador." The fact that she sounds completely serious makes my eyebrow raise in disbelief. I can't believe that is the reason she came to see me at nearly twenty-three hundred, which most sane people would assume others would be making preparation for bed or heading to their duty shifts depending on who they were. However it is not a time most people would think to go get a medical check-up. Especially when the deadline is nearly a full twenty-four hours from this point in time.

I decide to push her a bit, so I perch back against the arm of my couch crossing my arms loosely under my breasts as I keep looking at her letting a little of my disbelief come through in my eyes as I say, "And you decided to make a house call to remedy this minor oversight? How proactive of you Doctor Crusher." I can't help the bit of sarcasm that seeps into my voice at the end. I should have refrained, but I'm annoyed that she is not even giving me the courtesy of being honest as to the real reason she came to see me. Not that I really know what that reason is, but it's a pretty fair bet that it has nothing to do with my medical check-in not being done yet.

She looks away at my sarcastic remark then looks back at me a bit of sadness in her eyes. "Why do you call me that?" She asks softly her hands now fiddling with a tricorder that she had apparently brought with her. I have to confess her question throws me a bit and I find myself sanding there looking at her trying to hide the confusion I was feeling at the question. I take the time to quickly rerun the conversations through my mind to figure out why she would be upset with me for using her her title and name when it clicks that she is asking about why I've been calling her Doctor Crusher and not Doctor Beverly as Lorkale use to call her. I sigh softly and stand up from my perch letting my hands fall to my sides.

"Two reasons really." I finally say once Beverly's eyes find their way to mine again. I'm glad to note she looks interested in my answer, so I go on. "One, which is the most important reason in my opinion. You had made yourself quiet clear upon our last interaction that you wished to no longer carry on a relationship with Odan, therefore, me after I became it's host and two, which is a minor point but one none the less. I am not Lorkale, and that was a name he used. I don't feel I should, nor do I want to, especially when you had made your feelings clear back then." I say carefully. It's all true. I wanted to make sure I didn't over step my professionalism when I had to have any form of interaction with Beverly again. She deserved to have her wishes respected in my opinion.

The other point is also true. I'm not Lorkale and don't have an affinity to using the nickname. Personality I believe her first name is beautiful and I would rather just use that in an intimate setting than tacking on the 'Doctor' in front of it. Lorkale had a 'thing' for doctors you can say. One I don't share, per se, so there is no desire to continue to use it even if we were able to have continued our relationship with each other. I watch as Beverly seems to fidget with her tricorder some more her eyes flicking around the room but never landing on me for more than a second at a time.

Finally she sighs and stops fidgeting her eyes coming to mine and stays there. "So when you came to ask to continue... what... um I guess, _we_, were... umm relationship wise it was just, what? Leftover from Lorkale and Odan from when it was joined with Will? Is it gone now?" I have to admit I didn't expect her to have come to that understanding about what happened right after my joining. Though she is wrong about the feelings being gone now.

"In a way yes, right after I joined with Odan, the surge of love and desire for you prompted my rash decision to continue to pursue you. I justified my actions at the time by your willingness to continue while Odan had been joined with the Commander. My own will and rational thought was very much clouded by the new, though still _very real_ emotions that I was experiencing from Lorkale's memories and Odan's desires. My own rationalization had not had the chance to assert itself at that time. I knew I would have to leave to finalize the details in those negotiations and I didn't feel like I had the time to be 'rational' about what I was feeling, so I just acted. I am truly sorry, Beverly, that it caused you such distress back then." I say with compassion, hoping she will not notice that I didn't answer her second question.

I just didn't think there was any reason to answer it. What would come of it, really? It would only serve as a reminder to something that she didn't want and it would let on how truly pathetic I am for still harboring very real and very strong feelings for Beverly. I try very hard not to allow myself to willingly place myself in a situation that will result in appearing like an idiot, uneducated, ignorant, or a pathetic slave to my emotions. And answering _that_ question would defiantly prove I was both an idiot and a pathetic slave to my emotions.

She watches me the whole time I explain my actions years go and I find myself wishing that she wouldn't shut herself off from me so I can't read her reaction. Because I really do not understand why she is asking all this. She had seemed very sure that she didn't want to continue the relationship. Which at the time I took what she had said at face value, mostly because it hurt to be denied by the woman Lorkale and Odan were already in love with and I had an understanding that I would be able to join them in their love for this amazing woman.

"So when you were able to assert your own personality over Odan you no longer had the same feelings for me as they did?" I sigh and lean back onto the arm of my couch kind of digging my fingers into the the fabric trying to figure out how to answer something I really don't want to answer, because in a way she is right. I am not 'in love' with her... I just know that I can be – quite quickly – If given the opportunity, but that is really hard to explain. I finally look up at her a bit of my frustration coming through now. I can tell she is kind of taken aback by the fact I am openly displaying it. Lorkale didn't really show any of his frustrations, nor was he one to talk, like a lot of men among a great number of species. Lorkale's love was based in the physical relationship they shared. Odan's _love_ came from the combination of what it already knew and what it learned about the beautiful Doctor from it's joining with the Commander.

Odan's love for Beverly is very strong. It over powers Lorkale's love based on mostly a physical relationship. Now with the memories and emotional assessment of Lorkale, Will, and most of all put together by Odan, I have a near overwhelming desire for the woman. With what I know about her I know we could not only get a long but have an amazing relationship as well. Will wasn't joined with Odan long enough to show her how it's new understanding of who Beverly deepened it's feelings for her. So it was still only a physical connection. This is really the first time Beverly would be having a true conversation about the feelings that have been floating around between us all.

"Beverly, what would you like me to say? Any way I answer that question one or both of us gets hurt or become highly uncomfortable with the other." I say finally as I pinch the bridge of my nose in the hopes that this will all be over soon. I need a really stiff drink and to just go to bed, "You had made your desires to not continue to pursue the relationship very clear, back then Beverly and I respect that. Which is why I do not see the relevance for this question let alone this discussion in the first place." I finish softly, lowering my hand from my face. Once again brushing my bangs from my eyes before let my hand fully drop back to the couch.

Beverly's own sigh brings my eyes up to her then. I'm not sure if it's a sigh of frustration or annoyance, but her sudden raking of her hand through her thick red hair leads me to believing that it's more than likely both. I can understand the sentiment. "I know, that Odan-" I interrupt her here. If we are going to really discuss our relationship she is going to realize she is talking to me not my symbiote.

"Kareel, Beverly. If we are going to discuss this, you need to realize I am not just my symbiote. I am me and I have my own thoughts and feelings. Yes I have all of Lorkale's memories and everything Odan feels apart of me, but I am still Kareel, not just Odan." I say firmly not wanting to give any room for compromise on this point. I'm tired of this confusion she seems to be having on the matter. If she can't get past this one thing then there is no point in continuing this discussion. This gets an annoyed reaction from the tall red head that doesn't surprise me in the least. I've always known that Beverly had the potential to be quite volatile under the right circumstances. It doesn't bother me, as I'm use to dealing with people who are on the brink of war or worse. This is a hell of a lot more personal than anything else I have had to deal with but I do like that Beverly is not afraid to show her displeasure and annoyance. She is even more beautiful when she is mad and I have to work hard not to smile as the thought pops into my head.

"This here is why I said I wasn't prepared to continue our relationship, Kareel. I don't know if I can take this transient nature of a joined Trill! I mean when you walked into that dinning room tonight, I couldn't keep my eyes off you because I felt like I knew you... And as you had just said, _you are Kareel_, not Odan. So how the hell can I _know_ you?" I nod as Beverly finally gets out one of her points of frustration. "But _you_ do... Don't you? You know it all. And that thought keeps running circles around in my head to the point that I'm constantly distracted."

I can't deny her accusation in this moment about knowing her, because I do know her. I know everything that Lorkale, William, and Odan know about her. And I can see how that would be frustrating for her. "I can understand that Beverly. I would be a bit frustrated with that as well, but I can't change that. All I can do is promise to stay away from you while I am here, in order to minimize your discomfort." I try and reason with her. Give her an acceptable way of dealing with it that didn't force her to see me and bring up those unpleasant facts too often.

I wince a little at her growl of frustration after my comment. I really don't know what more I can do other than find a new method of transportation. I don't bother to look at her anymore. I'm tired and completely out of ideas now. All I can do is just wait to see where she will take this next and try to respond as best I can. "That is not what I want Kareel!" She snaps at me and that fires me up. How dare she keep me on this pendulum where she is swinging from one side to the other. It's not fair to 'dick' around with someone's feelings!

"Stop, Beverly. This conversation is over if you can't tell me what it is you do want from me. The only other thing I can do is find new transportation, is that what you want me to do? That way you don't have to deal with the confusion and discomfort that having me on board brings? Just tell me what you want!" I'm standing now and my arms are down at my side hands clenched with my frustration. My personal life has always been the one arena that I can't keep my temper in check when things get out of hand.

Every other interactions I engage in, I'm fine. I am extremely hard to anger or frustrate to the point of outwardly showing it, even before I had joined with Odan, but in my personal sphere all bets are off. It's like all my training goes out the window and I'm left to act like every other person in the universe when they are hurt, frustrated, or just plain angry, like I am at this moment. Had I been paying more attention to what Beverly was doing, more than my internal feelings of anger and frustration, I would have seen what Beverly had intended to do in response to my demand. Though I can't say what I would have done anyway had I seen her intent before hand anyway, needless to say, I'm completely caught off guard when Beverly's lips crash onto mine, hard.

She quickly tangles her fingers into my hair and pulls me closer once I start to respond almost without conscious thought. At that point it was just instinct to kiss her when her lips are on mine. Even though this is technically the first time her lips have touched mine in reality. It doesn't matter though because it is exquisite and I press back against her demanding lips gripping her hips with my hands so that I can pull her that much closer against me.

When her body becomes flush with mine she gasps against my mouth and I don't waste any time in taking advantage of the opportunity to slip my tongue between her newly opened lips. It's different than the memories I have of Odan's past with her but just as wonderful. She is soft and passionate even with her continuing to be very demanding and kind of rough with the kiss and the grip she has in my hair, her body is extremely soft. The feel of our breasts brushing over each other as she leans down to deepen our kiss makes my body burn.

I can't help the surge of pure lust and desire that wells up within me or my response to when Beverly's fingers move down from my hair to gently brush over the sensitive spots that run down along my neck. I don't know if she knows what she is doing to me or not but at this moment I don't really care. I rip my mouth from hers and start to nip, kiss, lick, and suck my way down to her throat, raking my short nails down Beverly's back at how good she is making me feel. I so want to make her feel just as good as she is making me feel right now.

I don't stop even when the ghost of worry starts to niggle in the back of my mind. I didn't want to think about what that inner voice was trying to warn me about, I just wanted to revel in finally having Beverly in my arms again. I'm thankful that her neck is long otherwise her damn uniform would be too much in the way where I couldn't really do what I want to do. But I'm helped by one of her hands moving away from where she was running her fingers over my spots to quickly 'ripping' open her uniform jacket so that I could get to her neck much more easily.

I growl softly against her pulse point when I feel the rapid surge against my lips there and bring my hand around to her front quickly to grab the opening of her Jacket and pull it back off her shoulders. She responds to the demand to take off the jacket though with a grunt and whimper of frustration that she has to remove her hands in order for me to get the thick material off and down her arms. Once her arms are free from her jacket they quickly move back to my body and blindly starts to unwrap the wrap I still had partly draped around my body before her lips come back quickly to mine.

I moan softly against her mouth as our lips and tongues move together in harmony. Her own moans of pleasure joining mine as her fingers continue working out how to get me further undressed. While I quickly untuck her under shirt she wears with her uniform and slip my fingers under it's hem to touch her gorgeous, heated skin for the very first time. I moan as my fingers come into contact with the skin I have dreamed of touching again. She rips her mouth from mine and arches her body against me as my fingers and hands spread over the heated, sensitive skin of her stomach and sides.

My mouth needing to touch some part of her surged back and latched onto the tantalizingly thrumming pulse point to suck and nip at it as my hands push up along Beverly's shirt exposing more of her gorgeous skin. I trail my lips up to the spot I know drives her crazy with desire, just below her left ear and suck at it with abandon. Her gasping moan followed by her hips shifting against me looking for some kind of purchase for the friction she so desperately wants.

Finally she has the top part of my dress undone so that my neck and upper chest is now fully exposed and her fingers move inside my top so that she can force the material over my shoulders much like I had with her jacket before. The feel of her hands against my desire heated skin makes my temperature soar even higher. For a moment I have to pause in my attack on her neck when my arms get stuck in the sleeves of my top and I curse softly in frustration. Though it apparently gives Beverly the opportunity she was looking for and her lips are trailing softly over the line of my spots that flow down over the my neck.

Her teasing lips against my very sensitive spots sends bolt after bolt of desire straight to my core causing me to whimper and moan as I lean my head back to expose even more for her to explore. This is new. Though from time to time Beverly would skim over Lorkale's spots when they made love she didn't know that they were the reason that area was so sensitive. Now she seems determined to learn all she can about how I respond to the different things she has begun to do to them.

I can't take not being able to touch more of her, so as she pulls away to maybe find another area to explore I take the opportunity to yank up on her shirt and get her to raise her arms so that I can remove the shirt entirely. Once it's off I drop it to the floor and grip her hips in a firm grip bringing us back together again as I look her directly in the eyes. She is so beautiful, with her heaving breasts and her bruised and kiss swollen lips slightly open as she gasps for air. Once more her lips are on me. This time joined by her tongue and teeth as she leans farther down to nip, kiss and lick down the line of spots that flows down over my chest. I can't help the wonton moan that escapes my panting lips as I bury my fingers in Beverly's rich beautiful auburn hair.

We are fully undressed by the time we are able to make it back to the bedroom. Both of us falling to the mattress among a tangle of limbs as our body's shift and move in order to find the most pleasure from the other. I am the first to explore the most intimate of Beverly's gorgeous body. The soft touch of my fingers running up along the inside of her smooth pale thighs has her shivering with barely contained desire. She responds to my touch just like I always thought she would. Just as I slip my fingers through her slick folds her body arches up as she stops breathing all together. I use the opportunity to latch my mouth onto one of her full breasts. I take the nipple into my mouth and suck, flicking my tongue over the engorged nub slowly at first drawing out the pleasure. Keeping my tongue moving in time with my fingers on her swollen bundle between her legs.

I roll us over so that she is now on her back, me hovering over her taller form my hips slowly moving against Beverly's thigh as my fingers continue to rub her small bundle of nerves that is giving her such pleasure. "More, plea-please more" Beverly pants out when I feel her fingers trail gently over the spots that run along either side of my spine. The touch drives me wild and I buck my hips against her thigh that she is now pressing firmly up between my legs. I respond by moving my fingers from her clit to her opening, dipping the tips of two fingers inside before pulling them back out to rub back over that swollen numb. "Ye-No.. please Kareel..." That is what does it for me. She said my name. Not Odan's name, but mine own.

I waste no more time in laying claim to her then. I quickly plunge three fingers deep within her, both of us moaning loudly at the feel of it. To feel her inner walls gripping around my fingers makes me light headed with desire and want. My hips are thrusting erratically against her thigh as I continue to plunge in and out of Beverly's core. Our lips once again crashing together demanding and passionate in our need to connect... to feel one another. I turn my hand just so and place my thumb on her clit rubbing against it as I continue to build her to her climax. It's close I can feel it in the way she is moving, the way she sounds and the desperate grip she now has on my rear end pulling me closer into her as my hips move against her thigh in the same rhythm that I am moving in and out of her core.

Suddenly she stills her inner walls clamp down hard on my fingers making it very hard to continue to move them, and she rips her mouth from mine, her fingers digging deeply into my skin, before she falls over the edge into bliss. I tumble quickly after her as I watch and feel her come undone under me, because of me. It is beautiful and joyful and when she pulls me down onto her sweaty body, holding me close I listen to her pants in my ear slow until it evens out and sleep takes her. I shift a little so that I am more at her side than on top of her as I lay myself fully down next to her adjusting the sheet over us better so that we will not get cold when the sweat dries. I watch her long into the night while something in my back of my mind tries to tell me that it just can't be that simple, but I chose not to listen to it. I don't want to ruin this wonderfully blissful time that I have dreamed about for so many years now. Finally, long after my beloved Beverly laid sleeping in my arms I allow myself to drift off, joining her in a peaceful sleep.

* * *

_I really do hope you all enjoyed this story. Let me know what you think and if you all think I should even bother to look at continuing it at some point. Thanks for reading!_

_~Jae_


End file.
